It’s ok if you’re not.

This page is for anyone who maybe hasn’t said this out loud to anyone but thinks maybe they might be struggling with alcohol. Maybe you joke about it or maybe no one has any idea at all. Maybe you think you’ll get a handle on it a some point if you can just find the right combination of things. The right work out, the right therapist or anxiety medication. Maybe it’s just cutting out shots, no more shots. Maybe you start the New Year with dry January but 1 week in there’s a work thing at a brewery, or a birthday camping trip or a dinner at that restaurant with the dope cocktail menu or [insert favorite band here] is playing a surprise show and it would be weird to NOT drink right. Just one or two. And maybe you really do just have one or two. And you feel really good the next day and maybe you keep it up but then all of a sudden you have that one night where it all goes out the window. But it’s ok, you’ve been good. Right, it’s funny to get blacked out, you know those memes your buddy always sends you about Dads cracking a beer at 11am with the clip from that Will Ferrel movie? It’s fine. But why are you spending all of this mental energy thinking about alcohol. Maybe you’re doing complex drinking math on Sunday late afternoon. How many more drinks can I have before the amount of time it takes the booze to leave my body coincides with my Monday morning wake up. How many bloody’s did I have at brunch again? Why do my hangovers turn into mild panic attacks? Maybe you’ve already adopted the hair of the dog approach to hangovers on the weekend. Maybe you’ve taken it further. Why do I start thinking about my evening beer before my work day is even over? Maybe you’ve started buying a roadie every once in awhile for the drive home. It was a stressful day afterall. And I saw this meme, oh and that country song I like, that guy talks about cold beers on the floor board. It’s not that big of a deal.

But if you’re here and still reading this maybe you know that maybe it is sort of a big deal and you just want to be normal. Just want to feel normal, just wish you had a “take it or leave it” sort of mentality when it came to drinking but you can’t. One is never enough. Well, all of that stuff in the above paragraph was me, and more, and worse. And guess what? No one knew. Until I said I had a problem, no one really knew. I was the funny guy, the never hungover party guy. And my biggest fear was telling someone because then there was no going back. I knew it and I feared it. And it was true. Once I said it, there was no going back. And that was painful and scary and sometimes I wished I never said it. But I did. And unless i wanted to throw everything away and go back, I had to move forward. And as cliche as it may sound, one day at a time was the best advice I ever got. I’m not a doctor, a therapist, a counselor or anyone with anything but my own story. Take it or leave it. But if you want to get better and feel better and you’re ready to do some hard work, I’ll tell you this with 100% certainty, you will not regret your decision. Not always everyday will your life be perfect or without struggle or conflict but always, everyday you will feel better than you ever did last week and better than you feel right now.

If you really have it bad and you have physical withdrawal symptoms, go see a doctor before you try and stop. Today. Or at least start looking for one. Because alcohol is one of 2 drugs in the entire world that can fucking kill you from stopping abruptly. Not even heroin can claim that. Nuts right? If you just know you want help stopping because you can’t seem to figure it out on your own you ARE NOT ALONE. Booze is everywhere in our culture. It’s a billion dollar business, we are indoctrinated from a very young age in America to use alcohol to achieve status, relax, be social, have fun, unwind, enjoy food etc. And if you are one of the people who have found it hard to be a take it or leave it drinker, that makes it hard to stop. Luckily much of the stigma around mental health and sobriety has been dissolved. That makes asking for help or seeking help or being transparent about real self improvement goals much easier.

This page is a work in progress. I’ll be editing my ramblings and adding helpful links to things that have helped me to find a semblance of mindfulness and balance. Progress not perfection as they say and that goes to my site as well.